How Does True Love Fail in the First Place?

How does true love fail in the first place? If I did not know anything else, I knew my husband loved me. But when this became questionable, it seemed to have changed the dynamic of my entire thought process.  Having been hurt because of infidelity in my marriage, it has been foundational in our recommitment to love that we understand and dissect the depth of this scripture. The love that the Apostle Paul speaks of is agape love. The significance here is to recognize that he wants to remind us that love is so much more than a feeling, it is also action and a choice as he clearly defines what love is and what love is not. Specifically, agape love is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. It is who God is and His love in action (John 3:16, 1 John 4:7-12). Some describe agape love as “God’s PERFECT unconditional love.” (I love this!) 

• Love is patient…tolerable of offenses and is not quick to avenge or punish those who offend. This does not mean that an offense is irrelevant, rather it is about our response to the offense. (2 Peter 3:9)  

• Love is kind…simply how we treat others. The kind of love that responds with goodness. (1 Samuel 20:14) 

• Love is not envious…envy is a breeding ground for resentment. Agape love rejects jealousy and only rejoices and celebrates with and for others when they are blessed. (Matthew 27:18) (Yes, this does occur in marriages also) 

• Love does not boast…our love should never be demonstrated in such a way that we elevate or esteem ourselves above others. (Philippians 2:3) Boasting here implies bragging without substance. Love does not need to be the center of attention as its genuine nature speaks for itself. (James 3:5) 

• Love is not proud…love in action always takes on the posture of humility. Confidence is not the same as arrogance and this kind of love will never take on a “puffed up” posture where one has a high or excessively high opinion of themselves and is extremely comfortable showing it regardless of how it makes others feel. (Romans 12:3)

True love is unconditional love; a love that puts the needs of others before our own without condition. If the choice is to be genuinely recommitted to a relationship where love has failed, there can be no condemnation. In such relationship, a renewed commitment takes spiritual discipline because we want to react out of our flesh. The intention of the person who has been hurt should never agree to a renewed commitment with the goal of subtly making the other person spend the rest of their life paying for the hurt they have caused. In a relationship such as a marriage, genuine devotion to your spouse cannot be based on what satisfies you but strive to satisfy the interest of your spouse. We were born into sin and God offered His son as the Savior we needed for the forgiveness of our sins. There was nothing we had to do. There was no condition we had to meet. This is true love, and it was a choice; therefore, love is a choice—not merely an emotion. 

As we go through our February Love Series over the next few weeks, may we ponder the thought that perhaps love does not fail; but rather we get caught up in going through the motions of love (as a feeling) and stop choosing to demonstrate agape love.